Feel free to view my storybook at here: Parvati's Counseling Service
Also, the email I have given under for "Dear Parvati" Submission Link is a real email address that you are more than welcome to email and ask for relationship advice "from Parvati". Your question and "Parvati's response" may be featured on my storybook page!
(Wedding Bands, found on Wikipedia Commons.)
Parvati's Counseling Service: hmmm, your storybook title just gave me a tiny bit of curiosity to read what it's about. I look forward to seeing what you write there. Thanks for leaving comments on my blog. I look forward to reading more of your stories during this class.
ReplyDeleteBased on your titles I was very curious as to what your story was about. That is originally why I clicked on your story. After reading your introduction I found out what you are going to be doing in this storybook. Although I am very curious as to what direction you will be taking them in. You have a lot of leeway as to what you want to do and I look forward to reading them. I love this concept of yours, it is very different than a lot of the other ones' that I have see, which was very refreshing. I like the pictures that you used in your storybook. The design of your book is very straight and to the point, you eyes do not wander to other places. They are drawn to the image and then to the writing.
ReplyDeleteHi McKenzie! This is going to be a fun exploration into marriage counseling! I am already enjoying ideas of where you could take this, it could be really fun! I would definitely be interested in seeing the “Dear Parvati” articles that you alluded to, so that was a nice bit of bait to leave out there, encouraging people to explore your site more.
ReplyDeleteMostly, I think a little bit of minor adjustments to your formatting would make the Introduction flow a bit better. I read it sort of like a resume crossed with a statement of purpose, but the formatting didn’t quite align with that idea. I think more separation between the paragraphs and a more straightforward, almost bulletted list type of formatting might help. I do enjoy, however, how “clean” the site seems – it’s straightforward and to the point!
The initial intro paragraph is great. The transition between the next few paragraphs, could use some transition words… I think transitioning into the fact that you love seeing couples falling in love is probably you trying to state why you got into this business? (which makes everyone feel betteer becuase you earnestly like to see people fall in love!) If you’re trying to provide the reader with your earnest love of your field, then perhaps try stating it bluntly? “The reason I started in this business is because I love watching people fall in love. There’s something particularly special about the way that young couples fall in love, which is actually why I help people in all stages of life….” And you could transition into the different types of services that you offer. (Which, is so neat that you include all different types of services! I had assumed only old married couples who were having problems, so it’s a bonus to get a variety thrown in!)
Well-written introduction, it conveyed where you’re taking this project! It sounds like it’s going to be entertaining! I adore the photo that you chose of “the perfect couple.” I actually did an extra reading notes guide where I really honed in on the idea of Parvati/Shiva becoming one person – such a weird, neat concept!
Hey McKenzie! I think that you have a very interesting premise for your Storybook project! I always think that the pieces about marriages and are set up as gossip articles are always a lot of fun to read throughout the semester. I think that you did a great job getting readers interested, especially adding that they could send in their own information really made it sound like a business! I would just reread through it to catch any little grammatical mistakes that may have slipped through. I think I found just a few commas misplaced, but otherwise it was a joy to read. I also liked the photos that you have included so far on the website. I think that they add a good element to the stories, tying them to the Indian stories you’re going to be referencing and that it is about marriages. I look forward to reading more later this semester!
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I would like to point out is that I really like the idea of having a counseling service as your storybook. I think the idea is very unique and you can really do a lot with it! I was just a touch confused on where to find your actual intro, but I almost liked it because it made it feel like it was set up as a real website, which doesn't have an actual story introduction. If you were meaning to make it that way, then you did a wonderful job! But if you did want to make it a little more clear on where your intro is, I would try to give it something that shows it more as your intro. Unless it wasn't actually your intro and I just missed something entirely... In which case just ignore me! I also liked how you have the New Client Form broken down. Its simple and easy to understand. I don't really see anything that I think you should change or revise. Really all I can say is to keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi McKenzie! Wow, this is such a fun and interesting take on Indian Epics. There is so much love that appears throughout all the stories...whether it's true love, someone loving someone who doesn't love them back, are problems within a relationship. This is a great way to modernize all of the love tales found in these epics. The "new client form" and "Dear Parvati" forms are great ways to make this seem real. Just looking at your site, what if you changed the layout and theme of the site. This might make it even more relevant to today and look even more like an actual counseling site. As I was reading, I was wondering what Parvati's personal challenges with love were. Maybe you could include some of her accounts with love, or even explain which of the three categories you mentioned she fell into...maybe even all three! This would really solidify why she is so dedicated to helping others with love. Overall, this is an incredible start to your story and I am so excited to continue reading it!
ReplyDeleteMcKenzie, I think this is a great idea and I’m excited to see where you take this storybook. I think there are so many interesting love stories scattered throughout the epics we read in this class, but Parvati and Shiva are not really discussed at length. I love Parvati’s story and can imagine a lot of possibilities for how to create something great with this theme. I really like that you have a page for new clients to submit a form requesting your assistance. That is very unique! I wonder what the format of your stories will be like following this. What if you provided one letter from each person in the relationship that submits a new client form and in another letter Parvati answers them, with a final reply from the couple for another letter? I am sure whatever you come up with will be great! This is a great idea and I’m excited to see what you are planning.
ReplyDeleteHi McKenzie! I thought your storybook design is absolutely GENIUS. I felt like you did a great job on somewhat disguising your storybook as someone that is seeking a counseling service. Your introduction piece on using Parvati's point of view as your own was great. You did such a fantastic job on conveying this and I really enjoyed it. I liked the two subsets you had under your main introduction which added to the detail. You really did convince me that I am there for a service rather than a storybook which is amazing! I really liked the fake email that you created. You mentioning that a question would be feature adds a interactive twist and I really enjoy that. I liked the new client form too. I almost found myself filling it out because your immersion into the setting is set up in such a great sense. Overall, great job on your project and I can't wait to see more!
ReplyDeleteThis is an awesome storybook theme! When I thought about doing a storybook, I considered doing something very similar to this. I think that there is so much room for creativity here. This will be fun for you to write!
ReplyDeleteYou were very thorough with this topic! I love that you included a new client form and a “Dear Parvati” submission link. Your site looks very authentic! The language you used was really good. You kept it very professional, like a counseling service would, but you also included some playful elements that helped to tie in the Indian Epics theme.
I’m really interested to see where you take this from here. Are the stories going to be the “Dear Parvati” letters? Or will they be stories from your sessions? You could definitely go either way! I think your storybook is going to be so much fun to read. I can’t wait to see what direction you take it!
Hi, I am just replying from your comment on my introduction. I really do love to travel, my dad got me interested in it. HE loves travelling and got me hooked on it too. I have been to New Mexico but I have not been to the balloon fiesta. I have wanted to go there so hopefully one day I can go. I heard about this but I just have not found the time to go.
ReplyDeleteI love the way that you set up your storybook! I’ve seen some about counseling before, but it was from the mind of the counselor, not set up as a counseling website. I love that you include a fake email and an entire counseling application type set up in your introduction as well. It really works well!
ReplyDeleteI tried to find some things to give you some feedback on, but I really don’t see anything. The flow is great, the links work well and the idea is sound. There aren’t even any grammar errors that I noticed. My only thought is maybe making the counseling questions stand out a little more from the rest of the writing, but I honestly don’t even know how.
I’m really looking forward to reading the stories that you are going to add and I will definitely return to your storybook in the future! Good luck!
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ReplyDeleteWhat a clever idea, McKenzie!
ReplyDeleteI have to be honest, at first I was a little apprehensive about a marriage counseling service as your storybook and how that would work but after reading, Damayanti the Devoted you proved me wrong! The story flowed very well even with two letters by two different characters. It was a joy to read. I like how you decided to use different fonts for each letter so the reader understood the point of view was changing from Damayanti to Parvati.
I also really appreciated your Author's Note section. It was very detailed and for someone like me who has not read that story very useful. I absolutely love how you were able to incorporate the riddle Nala had to answer as well.
Your site is easily navigable which is also really nice, a little plain but nothing is wrong with that at all!
Good job!
What an interesting idea. Originally, the material type had me worried this wasn't going to be something that I'd particularly enjoy but I was very pleasantly surprised with this. It's well done so far and it's very well written. You do an excellent job of maintaining your form and style throughout without many fluctuations that draw away from the piece. You could probably benefit from really playing up the "professional" air to it. I think it's such a perfect stylistic choice for something like this and it really holds it up as one of the better storybooks I've seen this semester. Just make sure you keep it as you move forward this semester. Either way, well done thus far and good luck with any and all revisions you make with this! I look forward to seeing where it goes. It was a fun read so thank you for sharing it with all of us!
ReplyDeleteI got so excited when I saw that I got to read another one of your stories! I can't completely tell because I think it has been a couple weeks since I last read your stuff, but it looks a lot cleaner. I see that you have a link to your "new client form" instead of a page dedicated to it. I really like that, I think it makes things easier to figure out and read through. It keeps a good flow through your stories! I really like the first story you have. As I read through the plea for help I was more and more drawn in. I felt so bad for the couple having lost everything and were having to walk endlessly to get to where they needed to be! The writing style is so vivid and, since I really love stories that are visually written, yours made me very happy! Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteI really like the "Dear Abby" kind of structure for your storybook! It adds a personal touch for the audience so that they feel like these characters are real. You did a great job of updating the story of Nala and Damayanti to present day. I could really hear the change in character, so hats off to you a a writer. Damaynati's voice was worried and questioning, while Parvati's answer was soothing and confident at the same time. A really beautiful part of your story was when Parvati was describing the moment when Nala had woken up and seen Nala sleeping. Adding more details like this is what will make your Parvai voice even stronger for the audience. It felt like listening to one of those radio shows (have you heard of Delilah on B98 FM?). Yours was the first story I've read that was based on a source other than the ones required for the class. I can't wait to read more of your stories! I also love added links, like the "New Client Form". They add another realistic touch to Parvati's practice.
ReplyDeleteMcKenzie, I am excited to be revisiting your storybook to read your first story! When I had originally read your introduction, I was curious to see how you were planning to accomplish this style of storytelling and now that I have seen it, I think you nailed it. My favorite part of your first story is that you included a reference to the jewel riddle for Nala and Damayanti. It shows that you know your source and that you took the time to really organize your story. I also like the tone that you develop for Parvati. I feel like it is well-suited for her character. I didn’t see any typos or structural things I would necessarily change. I feel like your writing is definitely where it should be for both the introduction and the first story.
ReplyDeleteSomething I might add is a colorful background for the website. I like the white background against the text because it really gives me that feeling of reading a letter, but I think you might be able to really emphasize that with a contrasting background. Overall, I think your storybook looks great so far!
Hi, I am just revisiting your storybook. At first I looked at your introduction but then I read your stories as well after you posted them and it is so good. I remember reading this story when I was trying to figure out what I wanted to read and I really liked this story. It was so interesting and I was very curious as to what would happen next in their life. I never thought of it in this way. The way she dedicates herself to her husband in such a strong way is very admirable. It is just like what Parvati does for her husband, Shiva. I like the way you set up your page too. The background is very calm and relaxing which would help the couples calm down as well when they are so hyped up.
ReplyDeleteWhat a well-developed website! The patient intake form and all the other "extra" things that you created certainly add another layer to the narrative that you're telling. If I didn't know better, I'd think that this was an actual site for a marital counseling site. I also think that the way you're structuring your story allows for so many unique opportunities, especially considering all the relationships in these epics. While my initial thought is that the first story gets a little male-focused, I think that is also reflects the original intent of the story. Ancient Indian society was inherently patriarchal, and you treat the source material with a respect for its history. I would be interested for Parvati to advise a queer couple... what would she advise them to do if they weren't getting along? I tink that could drastically expand the possibilities for your stories. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI wasn't assigned your storybook for this week, but I couldn't help my curiosity when I saw the title! I read your storybook as my free choice and I'm so glad I did. What a great idea. This is one of the most creative storybooks that I have read so far and you have really gone above and beyond the basic requirements with the new client listing and the Dear Parvati posts. I really hope that people take advantage of that because I think that it would make for some great posts and also because you put so much effort into it. I had to do some research on who Parvati is why she would be qualified to run a marriage counseling service office, and wow she is the person that people would want to talk to! Maybe you could add more information about Parvati's qualifications into your storybook? Very well done!
ReplyDeleteHey McKenzie! I love your title for your Storybook and think that you have taken a very creative route for your theme! I think that a marriage counseling site is a great basis for the types of stories you have written. Your website is very user friendly which is a great plus for us readers! It seems you have added a few more links in your introduction since I first read through. It seems like you have really taken time and effort to make this site come to life! I think it was a great idea to create a real email to have people send in their questions/concerns too. Your stories are very lifelike and you did a good job using the original material while also using your own inspiration to bring them to the modern day! I can’t wait to read more of your stories as you continue writing!
ReplyDeleteI love your idea! It's so cute and I love the idea of a goddess becoming "modern" by having this kind of service! The way you have your website laid out with an actual client form and actual email address is also so great! I love that "realism" haha and that you took the time to do that even though you didn't have to! Your stories that you picked are really nice too. I like that they're a little obscure because it's nice not having to read the same adaptations for every storybook. I also like how you varied the style too by first having a more traditional Dear Abby response and the second being more about the form rather than the response. If you do decide to adapt the story about Krishna and Radha I can't wait to read it! Great work on your storybook so far, and I'm super excited to see what other stories you'll do.
ReplyDeleteHi again! This week I read, Kaalee Vidhava the Lonely. I like how you have taken a small turn and had the client fill out a new client form. I'm hoping this is at least a two parter and we get to see the advice given to Kaalee from Parvati!
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your author's note I can definitely see the direction it is going, though.
The one thing I might suggest is asking another question about the type of person she is interested in.
Also, I just noticed in the very first sentence, "emailing" I believe should be "e-mailing".
Great job on keeping your storybook so interesting! I like the little change- up to break up the monotonous of just e- mail, answer, e- mail, answer.
It keeps the reader wanting to come back for more!
Hi McKenzie! I'm so glad I got to come back and read your storybook for this week! I read your introduction when you first wrote it and I was so impressed! You did not disappoint. The way you are telling these stories are fantastic! It is such a unique way of retelling these Indian Epics, and I really enjoyed what I read of yours from this week.
ReplyDeleteWhile reading about Damayanti, I was just so sad for her! In her letter to Parvati, you did an incredible job of sharing how devastated she was to be in her current state...first her husband loses all their money, then she must leave her children, and on top of all of that, her husband just leaves her in the middle of the night. I love the way you were able to tie it all together with Pavarti looking in the future and telling her everything would be okay. The only question I had during this story was why did her husband take her shawl with him when he left her? Odd question, I know.
While reading Kaalee Vidhava, I picked up on the Cannibal Sister feel right away! I also read this story. I thought it was so weird and I was hoping I was going to be able to incorporate it into my storybook somehow. I think you did a fantastic job on this story. I like how the main portion of this story was the new client form. This was very fun to read!
Great job! I'm excited to come back and read more!
Your story book is really one of my favorites. I am a sucker for love and counseling. So this held my attention the entire time! The story about Nala and Damayanti was so sweet. I loved that you used it in your storybook. I only saw a couple errors.
ReplyDeleteIn your introduction...
"Seeing the raw emotion radiate from their eyes insights a passion within me to nourish that love and make it last."
I think you meant to say...
"...ignites a passion within me to nourish that love and make it last."
Also in your story about Damayanti...
"The morning was still young and the last few starts glittered above him so he decided to walk until he reached the closest town."
This should say...
"...the last few STARS glittered above him so he decided to walk until he reached the closest town." That "t" must have just snuck in there.
Typos like that are really hard to catch too cause you know what you meant to say. Having someone else read your stories too may help you!!
Like I said, I really think your entire idea for your storybook is brilliant. I can't wait to read more of your work when I get the chance!
I'm so happy I could come back and read your new story! I noticed that you made a couple of new links on your introduction for the new client form and the "Dear Parvati" questions, which is great. Kaalee Vidhava's story was just as intriguing as Damayanti's! You've managed to add some humor into a story about a girl who somehow kills her lovers, which seems almost impossible, so kudos to you. I like how you weave Kaalee's story into the responses of the new client form. At first, I was skeptical about how you were going to tell her story, but it was all very natural the way you did it. Consider adding more material to "Have you ever been in love." The reader is dying to hear more about what's happened in Kaalee's past relationships especially with the suspense you build when you say Kaalee's boyfriends have all turned up dead. Details about the accidental murders would make Kaalee's story even more vivid and real. Can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHey McKenzie!
ReplyDeleteI really liked the entire conceptualization of your web page! I really like the first story that I read! I didn't get a chance to read any of the others,but once I get the chance I would love to continue reading the entire blog. I really liked how you led up to a climax in your stories. I really like how you chose to add so much detail and imagery into your stories. It makes it much easier to read and much more enjoyable as well. I ended up reading the story of Kaalee, and I enjoyed it a lot! I like how you described her love affairs and then concluded that they had all died! It was wonderfully built up to in the story. I think that you are a wonderful story writer! I cannot wait to read more of your stories. Great job and keep up the good work!
I like how you're giving the deities' lives and thoughts a complexity that is often missing in the original epics. Indian gods seem to be a lot like Greek and Roman gods in that they have their weaknesses and their disagreements among one another. In that way, they're just like humans. However, we rarely get the level of detail that you've given to Parvati.
ReplyDeleteIn the second letter, you have a copy of the sender's new client form. I would suggest adding a copy of this same completed form in the first story, if she's not a returning client, and any future senders.
In addition to providing advice via mail, you might show Parvati helping a couple in a face-to-face meeting. It would help us see how Parvati deals with clients in person. We would also get to see more views of the relationship problems.
Overall, I think this is a really strong story and a very interesting concept.
Okay, it was actually really funny for me to pick your storybook (by random) because lately I've been thinking about becoming a counselor as like, a day job type of situation. ANYWAY! I love this concept! Another storybook in the class is a dating website, I feel like you two could find some cute way to like... put an add on each other's pages? That's just silly, but it could be a fun touch!
ReplyDeleteThe amount of additional detail you provide in your response is a really nice touch. Rather than just telling a story, you're expanding and I feel like I've learned more! I'm the most impressed by how you've created an email for your storybook character! I'll have to think of something to email ;) Really nice work so far!
I really enjoy your website and the unique twist you put on it! I enjoyed the letter and the new client form the best out of all the post out there just because it was so unique yet semi realistic. I honestly had no idea it was going to take a turn about death up until I read that sentence. I think you did a great job being creative. I wish there was a little bit more on there because I wanted to keep reading! Especially seeing all of her letters and advice to her clients. I honestly think there is not much more improving the story other than adding more. I saw a few minor grammatical errors but like I said it was pretty perfect to begin with! I hope you keep writing more on this website and I can read more later on through the semester. Great job again!
ReplyDeleteHi Mckenzie! I really enjoyed reading your storybook once again (I am sure I’ve made a comment before but I cannot find it for some odd reason). I love the layout of your website and how it gives of a calming feel to it which ties really well with the theme you have going on. I like how you formatted your stories to look like letters from actual people to the goddess, Parvati. I feel as if this helps the reader to really connect with the characters in the story by letting them know exactly how the person is feeling and their experiences that led them to write to Parvati. Do you plan on continuing the stories for any of the clients? Like to let the audience know how their life is going after Partvati has helped them. I really enjoyed your stories. They were easy to follow and very interesting! I look forward to reading more in the future!
ReplyDeleteI was assigned your storybook this week and I was so excited! I really like this new format you've taken. Additionally, I think it's really awesome that you've used a different form of writing for each story... I'm sure it's help you grow a lot! I wonder which one has been your favorite so far? I think the strongest skill you showed in this specific writing was the attention to building imagery. Like the direction of,
ReplyDelete*Sivitri looks over at Satyaban and their souls dance between their romantic gaze*
Not only did it paint a picture of how much love these two share, but it did so poetically! I can tell, based on your author note, that you really connect to this story, and it really shows in your writing! And then ENDING was really nicely done! Wow. I know that these comments don't exactly help progress your writing... but I just can't come up with anything that needs editing. Keep your attention to detail just as sharp for your next piece- I truly think that is what makes your writing so uniquely you! Really nice work!
Last time I visited your page, you had just started. I remember commenting that I was excited to see what direction you were going to take this in! I absolutely love what you have done! Your website looks very official and I love that you followed the theme of having patients send in the “Dear Parvati” letters. You did a great job of making the characters appear to have very ordinary real-life relationship issues, but there is always a twist which ties in the reading and research you have been doing. This was such a creative idea and I absolutely loved reading it! My favorite part was how thorough it was. I really liked the story that included a Dear Parvati letter as well as their New Client Info form. This was helpful because it lets your readers REALLY understand each of the characters. I liked that in the last story you switched to a transcript of one of the counseling sessions. That was a fun twist! I like that you kept the same counseling theme all throughout your project, but you found various ways to do it!
ReplyDeleteHi McKenzie! I’ve read your storybook a couple of times now and I have to say, I really love how you’ve chosen to approach the style/layout of your storybook. I immediately thought that this would be a great idea for a storybook, since Parvati is a great model of how to handle challenging issues in relationships. I really enjoyed the second story where you based the story on an original story I had not read. It was a very different turn than what I was expecting, since it was about loss of love in general, rather than loss of one’s significant other. I also really enjoyed the format of your last story where you provided a manuscript of one of Parvati’s counseling sessions. I thought that was a fantastic idea and a very unique way to conclude your storybook. I like the pictures you have on your storybook currently, but for the last two stories, I think it could be interesting to add a couple more pictures, just to help key the reader into the action of the story. I think your author’s notes already do a good job of explaining where you are going with the stories, so either way, you have a fantastic storybook.
ReplyDeleteYour stories are well written and very creative. I always stay on my toes reading them. I also like the set up you have for your blog. I like that all the tabs are up on the top, this makes it easy to see all of them and you don’t have to scroll down. It is super adorable that you have an actual Parvati’s advice email. Honestly I am thinking about using it.
ReplyDeleteHi! You frequently comment on my storybook, Hinduloveronline, but this is the first time I have read through yours and I am quite impressed. You give so much information about Parvati and each of your characters. The links to client and letter submission pages are also a nice touch. You are the first to utilize subpages. Kamadeva (or just Kama) is actually the head matchmaker for my dating website so I was very happy to see that you included him in your story. You know that when Shiva killed him love was said to be released into the cosmos. Your letters are written beautifully as well. I did notice a typo in the response to Damayanti. I think you mean to say "stars", but you say "starts" instead. I have read someone else's story over the demon girl and her brother, but I really like your take on it more. I also like that you named her black widow! It sounds beautiful as well as being meaningful.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh. If I didn’t know this was a storybook I might actually think that this layout would be perfect for a counseling service website! Too funny. Your introduction really flows well with the idea of being a relationship counselor. You did a great job stepping into the shoes of the character and making them into someone not only relatable but someone who seems so real! If this were to be turned into one of those reality dating/relationship shows, I would probably watch it. You were able to create very distinct voices and personalities for each of your stories and it makes reading them all so much fun! This almost reminds me of those old magazine sections where you write in and ask about cooking or cleaning advice. Your stories have such emotion to them and I couldn’t imagine them being any other way. They seem so real! I feel Kaalee on the perpetually single thing. This makes me happy that at least the men I meet don’t die! That would be terrible. All of these different layouts make your project so unique and truly creates an amazing story! Thank you for sharing!! Great job and good luck with the rest of your semester!
ReplyDeleteAw, reading your last story was so bittersweet! I really loved how you decided to wrap the storybook up; it made the profile seem like a truly authentic website for a service. So cleaver! I think your layout was one of the most effective and clear (mine kind of went up in smoke... whoops?)
ReplyDeleteDid you get a lot of emails with your email address? I thought about messaging it but time just slipped right past me! Overall you created such personalized voices for all of the characters, but Parvati's always had the tone of a master... you always could tell who was offering the guidance. Great storybook, I know people will love reading it in the next class to come. I hope you have a wonderful holiday!